the sweetest victories are ones where everyone wins
One thing I know is this…communication, joining makes everything better. But it is so important to communicate responsibly. To me, responsible communication is one that is dedicated to finding truth and real understanding, not one that has expectations.
If you are sitting down to “communicate” be honest. Are you really there to find truth, understanding and love (remember true love is liberating!) or are you trying to make a point or get your way? If you are trying to make a point or get your way, better to work through that before reaching out. It’s very rare that anyone is ever solely to blame for anything. That’s never the truth. So if that’s what you’re after, well you’re not really looking to communicate.
In any struggle, if you can sit down with whomever you are struggling with and listen and share with an open heart, open mind, loving compassion, with the goal (goals are different than expectations) of love and understanding, the searing pain will melt away. You may feel aches. Aches of appreciation, aches of admiration, aches of seeing and being seen, aches of saying good-bye. But the nauseous, sick, searing pangs of alienation will melt away. You will be able to feel the love that is the truth of your connection with any human being you’ve ever cared for and who has ever cared for you. That is when real healing can begin. That is when humans can really start helping each other. That is when you can really start trusting your own voice; when you are in a state of love, compassion, forgiveness, understanding…Truth! (with a capital T)
And if, at the end, you have to say good-bye, isn’t it better to do with the ache of love and appreciation of all you’ve shared, instead of the sharp pangs of fear or anger that betray all you’ve shared? I think so.
I spent two hours in a therapy session today, ending a romantic relationship. Fortunately, even through his resistance, my friend was willing to go. And it was miraculous. We could hear each others hearts, each others struggles, each others love and each others regrets. It wasn’t a perfect picture, but it was a complete picture and it made sense. Now we can move forward with what we need to do in our lives from a place of love, support and good will. Before it was all separation, betrayal, resentment. That just didn’t feel right or true to me. I wanted to get back down to the bottom of things so at least when we go off to reflect on ourselves and our lives and experiences, we are reflecting on a more complete and humanly flawed picture. When I say humanly flawed I refer to the mistakes we make with the best intentions, or the no-intentions of simply being unconscious sometimes.
Now we don’t have to stay in the distraction of carrying on the fight in our heads! We can be free of that. We can carry each other in our hearts with the love and forgiveness that we both deserve and we can carry ourselves in our hearts with the same loving kindness.
That’s a way to grow!