Lesson 11: A Broken Heart Is Always and Attempt to Control Someone Through Guilt

A broken heart means that we are on the losing end of a power struggle. Basically, our broken heart is an attempt to make others feel guilty so that they will meet our needs or do things our way; it’s a form of emotional blackmail. The attempt to control will neither bring happiness nor get our needs met; it will just create a bigger power struggle.

Today, be willing to move toward instead of away from your partner. Be willing to not use your feelings as a bludgeon to get your partner to do what you want them to do. Rather than fighting with your partner and using different forms of manipulation, give them a gift, as long as it’s something you freely and fully give to them.

Be aware though, that if someone has broken up with you, an external gift may be a form of manipulation and refused as such. If this has happened to you, give them an internal gift, such as forgiveness, letting go, gratitude, or sending them love without attachment. The extent of the gift that you give will be the extent of your release.” –Chuck Spezzano, PhD

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I feel so tired and kind of even right now that it’s hard for me to engage this. I can feel a little, teeny tiny resistance too, though, in my belly. So I’m going to close my eyes right now and do this…

Wow. That felt really nice and it was funny the things that I gave him intuitively. I gave him a red sweatshirt and some warm soup. I kissed his forehead and I gave him a big hug and a kiss. And then I said, “It’s okay. It’s okay. If you can’t do it, you don’t have to do it, it’s okay. Everything will slow down now.” That felt really lovely.

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