Lesson 17: In Any Conflict, Both People Are Acting In Opposite Ways But Feeling The Same Thing

“The beginning of creating resolution, and the key to healing any conflict, is knowing that even though each person may be acting in a different way, the point of joining is a feeling you both have in common. For instance, the feeling of fear can create fight or flight, just as guilt can create withdrawal or aggression. In both cases, the different reactions stem from a common shared feeling.

If communication begins with our feelings, we can create a mood of sharing where both of us have one point on which to agree. From this point of joining or agreement, the whole situation begins to unfold in understanding and intimacy with each other. Whatever we are experiencing, we can use it as the barometer for what others are experiencing, even though their behavior may be exactly the opposite of ours.

Today, be aware of the people with whom you are in conflict. Take some time to dwell on what you are feeling in this situation. When you get a strong sense of what the feeling is, be willing to send the other person whatever you believe would heal the feeling that you share. Be willing to bless them.” –Chuck Spezzano, PhD

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